I came into the new year doing nothing but kicking it with my little brother. Not a glorious way to bring tidings but I made it ight. I spent the last hours of 2006 making phone calls to folks and trying to finish quarrels that hadn’t yet been resolved. Notice I never said apologize. I ain’t a big enough man to apologize to those who don’t deserve it, or simply forgive from the goodness of my heart. Aaron ain’t going to even front like he doing it big like that. If you were an Ass in my book 24 hours ago, then you under the Ass tab right now, no hard feelings.
Unfortunately for you, I hold some incredible grudges.
I made no New Year’s resolutions since I’m too far from understanding from the man I will become. I want to set attainable goals, not lofty expectations that I won’t be able to handle when the floor falls out again. I know that I will be more to myself than before. People who knew me before I hit college know I’m generally a quiet guy who observes until questioned. Up to this point, I had been more outspoken no matter the subject. I wanted others to be more observant. Pay attention to surroundings, to our future, for our children. Comfort in apathy now becomes complete complacence later in life. I judge none but I do feel a sense of defeat because I know as one man I haven’t done much of anything.
Nothing will change without a shared frustration. Nothing can be done without majority. What you think 9/11 was about?
But it all begins with one. We all have things we hold as important. I have spoken randomly with so many folk, so much ambition, so much denial – “Yea, I see what you mean but see…”. I saw the denial in myself and I feared the ambition cause I saw what it was doing to the minds of my peers. Ambition was overtaking the values they claim to hold dear. Interesting.
Some ambitions were as simple as wanting to be excepted and be liked. Who doesn’t like being liked? Unfortunately, they put putting on all sorts of masks. Some ambitions were of lust, greed. “Live for today,” a bunch say. “Do it while you young,” is how others put it. Why do something now you won’t be comfortable with when you older?
Learn from MJ: Just be yourself.
As I said before, I haven’t judged before and I won’t start now. I’m probably more flawed than any man I’ve ever encountered. My resolution is just to try to find the man I’m going to become and live as that man will. I’m not going to say he’s this perfect fellow. I’m still gonna cuss when I see someone super bounce on Halo, I’m still gonna cut a man if he touch my daughter without permission (when she get here, love you baby girl!), and so on. Life teaches us how to deal with situations, and Life is different for the individual. I may not turn out the way others figure I should but that’s cool cause we all been through separate issues.
I just want to say to everyone try to live in ways that you won’t regret later, fuck the year. Life doesn’t begin with the year. It’s not all about the now, it’s the journey that counts. As a writer, I understand that each time I write on a sheet of paper I start a new world. It is the same in how we choose to live. Remember that you have control over what is important to you and what you do from here on it. Remember those who look up to you and what they will do with your example, even if they are not here yet.
Happy New Year! And keep life precious…
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